#160 – There’s mother f’kn tomatoes on the mother f’kn bicycle!

The line between the less than sensible and the criminal mind can be quite blurred.

If you are ever thinking about resorting to a life of crime, you would be well served to study the habits of a criminal mastermind. 

Let’s break down this masterfully executed heist shall we:

Step 1.) Steal items that you can turn into wads of cash.  In this case, tomatoes are going for a whopping $3.00 a pound these days.  A very hard “cash crop” to resist. 

Step 2.) Choose items that can be fenced easily.  There is definately a market for stolen tomatoes.

Step 3.) Case out the target carefully.  Make sure that you can enter and exit the target unseen.  Here, our criminal master has chosen to rob a vegetable garden in broad daylight, which should provide excellent cover from the knees down.

Step 4.) Invest in a fast and reliable getaway vehicle.  Vehicle of choice in this classic caper?  Bicycle.

Step 5.) In case of resistance, always pack a lethal weapon.  In this case, our criminal mastermind has chosen a folding pocket-knife.  Capable of some serious damage, unless the intended recipients are furious homowners.

Remember that no matter how good you are, sometimes luck just isnt on your side. Unfortunately for this criminal genious, he was apprehended despite his furious peddling and swashbuckling skills.

Note: The buzz on the street is that Universal Pictures has purchased the rights to this story and have greenlighted a full featured release starring Samual L. Jackson. When asked what he thought of the film, Samuel L. Jackson commented: “There’s mother f’kn tomatoes on the mother f’kn bicycle!”